There will always be times when you feel envious of your friends for having a fantastic sex life when maybe your own isn’t that wonderful, and it’s easy to think sometimes that everyone apart from you is getting it right. But the truth is that almost seventy five percent of women have difficulty reaching orgasm from intercourse alone. It is crucial therefore that your lover understands this and takes the time to help you to climax in other ways.
Five of the most common reasons women don’t have orgasms are:
- Certain medications and illnesses: Conditions such as diabetes and MS, as well as depression and blood pressure medications can all affect a woman’s ability to orgasm. Some of these conditions can also affect the way a woman sees and feels about her femininity and therefore how she views her sexual self. SSRI’s are commonly prescribed for depression and as these can raise the prolactin levels, they can also affect the ability to achieve orgasm.
- The dreaded aging process: As we get older, our bodies naturally produce less estrogen and this can have a direct bearing on our circulatory function. As less blood flows to the nipples and clitoris, the chances of achieving an orgasm are correspondingly lowered.
- Negative messages about sex which may be a hangover from our childhood: From an early age girls are told not to touch themselves and to keep their bodies hidden. This can have the effect of us growing up believing that female sexuality and our genitals is somehow ‘dirty’ and something to be hidden away. As we need our minds to be engaged and relaxed in order to orgasm, this can make us think that we shouldn’t be enjoying sex and therefore we find it difficult to ‘let go’ enough to allow our orgasm to happen.
- Discomfiture with the idea of intimacy: It’s strange how women can sing to their children, but would not dream of singing in front of their partner. This is because a lot of women have difficulty with the idea of ‘letting go’ in front of their partner in case they look stupid in some way. Men are never going to worry about what you look like while in the throes of orgasm, all they are concerned with is the fact that they are giving you pleasure, so never feel worried about what he will think while you are having an orgasm.
- Problems outside the bedroom: While I am not suggesting that women withhold sex as a form of ‘punishment,’ it is possible that if you are angry with him outside of the bedroom that you won’t be relaxed enough in the bedroom to enjoy having an orgasm. In general, men need to have sex to feel good; women need to feel good to have sex and therein lies the problem. Men will see having a sex as a way of making up after an argument; many women will want to make up before they want to have an orgasm with the man they have just been screaming at.
Sometimes adding a vibrator to use together during sex can help her climax. This should not be something for men to feel bad about! It's impossible for anyone to recreate the intense vibrations that a vibrator can provide, and this makes it easier for many women to climax. We suggest using a clitoral stimulator while being penetrated by your man. There are many options for this, but one of the classics is the Magic Wand vibrator. It's a little larger than other clitoral stimulators, which makes it easier to maneuver during various sexual positions. Or, try out a couples vibrator, which can be placed internally and will give added pleasure to both partners.