It’s a huge step when you decide that you want to enter a swingers’ lifestyle. After all, it probably goes against everything you’ve ever believed about being honest, true and faithful to one person while in a relationship. But when you think about it, a swingers’ lifestyle is not about being dishonest or lying to the other party. It’s actually completely the opposite thing inasmuch as it calls for honesty, openness and being truthful about what you find to be a turn-on and sexually exciting.
But before you enter into the world of swinging, you do need to sit down together and think carefully about whether you can cope with this change in the way you’ve previously been used to handling things within a relationship. How many people in a so-called ‘normal’ relationship have that complete and utter honesty? Would you have ever thought of telling your partner that actually you quite like the idea of having sex with someone else? Probably not. But the flip side of that is that you also have to consider how you will feel when you witness them having sex with someone else.
You will need to be completely honest about this and explain to them if you really couldn’t handle that scenario because swinging needs to be something which you are both 100% behind. There is no room for jealousy, or “I wish you hadn’t done that,” because that is the road to splitting up, recriminations and tears. And I assume that’s something you wouldn’t want.
The thing is that no-one is going to know how they will feel before something like that happens, but probably one of the ways in which you could ‘test the waters’ is to think about how you feel when watching a porn movie. Do you feel sexually aroused when you watch other people having sex? Do you masturbate openly when watching porn and are okay about your partner watching you? If that’s the case, then the chances are that you will be okay with watching your partner having sex with someone else. And also you need to bear in mind, that they will probably be having the same doubts when they see you being intimate with another party.
Entering a swinging lifestyle is also a great way of exploring fantasies you’ve kept hidden up to now. For example, many women get turned on by the idea of having sex with another woman but haven’t had the courage to do anything about it. Swinging is a good way of trying this out without needing to get into a full-blown relationship.
One of the other things that is a huge turn-on about swinging is talking about it afterward. So before you actually do anything, get a little practice in about how you are going to manage with talking about what’s probably been a rather taboo topic up to now. When you’re lying there in the dark, start whispering a story to your partner about how the milkman/post lady/pizza delivery…(you get the idea!) did to you when they called at the house that day. It will give you an idea about how you feel around talking about someone else doing things to you sexually and allow you to communicate freely.
Check out our other Swingers' Blog Posts too!