Are you stuck in what feels like a sexless relationship? Do you long to change things around and get back to the way the two of you used to be in the beginning? The truth is that, over time, relationships change, and sometimes those changes are for the worse. We all grow and develop at different rates and sometimes that difference between the two of you can be too much for either of you to cope with, but if you still love each other, then what do you do? There should never be a question of just giving up, but you do need to work together to transform a sexless relationship into something which you both need and desire.
There are various factors which contribute towards having a sexless marriage and some of those will be brief, some more long-standing and ongoing. For example, when you have children, you have a completely new perspective on your marriage. Sleepless nights, coupled with a screaming baby are not conducive to having a successful sexual relationship within the marriage, but this is a stage which passes as the baby gets older. It’s something which most new parents learn to live with for a while and should not be a problem.
However, certain other factors can contribute toward a sexless marriage and these include premature ejaculation or the fear of it, hormonal changes including menopause, depression, stress or one of the couple having an affair. So how can you change these negatives into positives?
- Premature ejaculation is when the man ejaculates before either party is satisfied and can become a vicious circle inasmuch as once it has happened, there is a fear of it happening again, which makes it more likely to. This can be remedied by either of you masturbating him until climax is reached before you try to have intercourse. Very often this will be enough to make him last longer second time around.
- Menopause in women can cause various hormonal changes meaning that she no longer desires intimacy or intercourse, or if she does, thinning of the vagina and lack of estrogen can make her feel dry and uncomfortable. There are remedies available from pharmacies, but if in any doubt, then consult a physician.
- Depression and stress are well-known and recognized “turn-offs” and can be difficult to get out of without professional help. I know it’s easier said than done to avoid stress, but exercise, plenty of rest and a weekend away together can work wonders. Depression is another matter entirely however, and does require the help of a professional. SSRI’s can help life the serotonin, (“happy” chemical,) levels in the brain and sometimes counselling will be offered to run alongside these.
- Having an affair is generally a sign that there is a far deeper problem within the marriage and can be gotten over, provided that you are both willing to be open and honest, and discuss what was wrong within the marriage to cause this kind of behavior.
Whatever the reasons are for you having a sexless marriage, just be sure that most often, with love and honesty, these things can be gotten over, as long as you both want to put the work in.