It takes time to get into a good sexual routine; when you know each other’s buttons to press, and the fastest way of getting your partner ‘in the mood.’ But until you do get to know each other that well, what do you do if the sex is bad? There can be nothing more demoralizing than telling him that he was useless, so how do you get the message across that his way of doing things just isn’t working for you?
I am a great believer that it is easier, (and sometimes less embarrassing,) to show him how you like things to be done sexually, rather than trying to put it into words. We have probably all had times when the sex is bad and not been bothered by it, because we don’t intend making it into a long-term relationship. But if the sex is bad with someone you care about, it can be a whole different ball-game. If you can see that the relationship has potential, you need to tread carefully so as not to cause too much damage to the sometimes frail male psyche.
Being positive in life is far easier and less stressful than being negative. The fact is ladies that you need to ‘train’ your man pretty much in the same way as you would train a child. Always praise the ‘good’ and try to ignore the ‘bad.’ We all need to feel as if we are doing something right, and if we get praise for it then it’s human nature to want to get that praise again. So when he gets you to orgasm quickly, tell him. Say ‘that was fantastic; you made me feel so good.’ That way he knows what’s right for next time.
But if the sex is bad, then rather than saying ‘God you’re crap!’ try and guide his hands/penis/tongue to wherever feels good. Men are very visual creatures and he would most definitely appreciate you showing him what feels good. So if he is stroking your clit too harshly and it makes you feel sore for example, place your hand over his and whisper ‘try this way.’ Show him the kind of touch that feels better to you. He will adore the idea that not only are you pleasuring yourself while he watches, but he is also learning something for the next time too.
Sometimes the sex can be bad if he doesn’t last long enough to ensure that you have orgasmed as well. If this is the case, then you need to tell him as gently as possible that you need more time than him to ‘get there.’ If you can work something out between you it will be much better than just saying nothing and harboring resentment and bad feelings for the next time. Try and come to an arrangement whereby he either masturbates a short while beforehand so that he will last longer the next time, or that he makes you cum before he enters you. Many women find it difficult to orgasm through intercourse anyway and would be better off with some oral stimulation or the use of a vibrator before actual intercourse.
As long as you have good communication, you will have a good relationship where the sex is no longer bad because you want, and need, to please your partner before yourself.